The art of giving away books.

I'm certain that I'm not alone in my passion for books and reading, I'm actually quite confident that there are a lot of other people out there just like me, who has for years endured clever quips about being book-worms and the like. I am also certain that we've all experienced one particular problem:

Receiving books as gifts.

There is certainly nothing wrong with giving a book-lover books, the idea in principle is actually quite nice. The problem lies in the application of the principle, and some fatal misunderstandings as to the nature of the book-lover.

What most people assume is that since any book-lover will consume everywhere between One to Five books a week, they will throw themselves at anything longer than 75 pages in paperback. What they miss, is that a book-lover is not the equivalent of a fast food-junkie, but a connoisseur. With this faulty idea in mind the ignorant but well-meaning parents/siblings/lovers/distant relatives go down to their local bookstore confident that they only need to find something vaugely connected to any given interest besides books that the Book Lover may have.

I can't even begin to count the hoards of absolutely useless books about Horses I've got sitting around from back when I used to go horse-riding. Most of them has never been opened and the only thing I've read, has been the back, quickly establishing that given a choice, I wouldn't have touched this kind of chick. lit with a ten foot pole. So, this is a guide to how you buy someone a book as a present, without seeing your image as a decent human being crushed and thrown away with the wrapping paper.


1. If it all possible, find out specific titles they want.

I have learned that some find this dull, unsurprising and more like an order than a gift but really, we love it. We've gotten so many books we don't want we'll be jumping for joy. The effort you went through to subtly ask people around us, or asked us personally what we would like so you could get it for us, will not go unnoticed or unappreciated. It's considerate asking what people want, really.

2. Buy Classics.

In the sorry event that you are unable to find out what your victim is looking for, a classic is never a bad idea. Austen, Shakespeare, Orwell, Verne, Dickens, Tolstoy all those names your literature teacher went misty eyed about are good and should be part of any self-respecting Book Lover's library. Even if the author in and of itself does not suit our tastes (I hate Dickens with a ne'er-ending passion) it still looks good on our shelf, and we ought to read it anyway. Got to keep up with our general education, ya know? Just make sure you don't get us something we already have. Nobody likes to be given Oliver Twist for Christmas two years in a row.

3. Buy a gift-certificate

Lazy and unimaginative? You betcha. A Safe card? Yes. Does it beat random 4 for 3 pocket offers? Always.


And since I'm quite certain someone will come along and assume this is a plea for people to buy me books I will just go ahead and say that it's not.

This has been a Public Service announcement, feel free to print and put it on your refrigerator come future birthdays and Christmas -07.

Nobody ever got laid with THAT attitude.

Sometime in July this year, me and a good friend of mine turned down the offer of having sex with a complete stranger. The episode in and of itself is not actually that interesting, but rather, his reaction to the rejection which was first and foremost:

It's because I'm black, isn't it?

Yesterday when I was out recruiting, two guys approached me from out of the blue:

Why aren't you talking to us? It's because we're coloured, isn't it?


To be frank, I am getting increasingly tired of all the people supposedly belonging to a minority of some sort with a chip the size of Texas on their shoulder.

I am fuck-all tired of Vegans and Christians with a Superiority complex, Homosexuals with a Pink Agenda, Short Guys suffering from Short Man's Syndrome and Black people with a Persecution Complex.

Yes, I am aware that minorities are often discriminated against, and my heart goes out to you, really. But I have absolutely zero patience with people who brandish their minority as shield against personal failure. Let's get something straight right of the bat, sweetie.

It's not your skin-colour, your height, your faith or your sexuality, it's you. You're a fucking Idiot.

These people deliberately and willfully put themselves into a victim-position to evade personal responsibility. They prefer to sit around and whine about how the world done them wrong and is out to get them rather than getting off their ass and doing something about their lousy situation. Supposedly, because they belong to a minority, the world, nature and life itself owes it to them to cushion them throughout their lives.

The most disgusting thing of all is of course the seedy, insidious way some people will use their victim-position to shame people into giving them what they want. Any denial of their desires, sexual or otherwise is met with an accusation of racism or narrow-mindedness. It's egoistic, manipulative, low and absolutely disgusting.

Rather than owning up to their own mistakes and failures they put the blame on another person. "It's not because I suck, it's because you're racist and homophobic!" Which of course is a whole lot easier than working on your own short-comings and improving yourself and your situation.

No wonder you're not getting any.